Marriage is the greatest blessing and commandment from our Father in Heaven. He allows us to fall in love with our best friend, marry for time and all eternity, and to bear and rear children together. In many circumstances marriage starts out in complete La La Land. Love is blind and we only see the good in this person. Life sets in, children arrive, trials come, life happens, and we get worn out. We start to see their true colors. We start to realize this person we married isn’t perfect. They leave their dish in the sink rather than put it in the dishwasher, they leave the lid off of the toothpaste, they don’t make the amount of money we had hoped and dreamed for. We start thinking, comparing, and having too high of expectations.
Don’t Keep Score
Marriage is an equal partnership. “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” (The Family A Proclamation to the World).We can’t even start the point keeping, comparison, or expectations. This is the start of heading down a road you will not want to go. After I had my first one or two children and was tired, I started a point system in my head. I would tell my husband that I had changed the last diaper or that I had put the kids to bed last night, your turn. After a couple of years my husband finally came to me and said this isn’t going to work if we continue to compare each other. We must become one and equal. I am the sole financial provider but you must do your part and make sure that you are keeping a good budget and saving. You are the caregiver and homemaker but I will always come home and help when I see anything that needs to be done. It was such an eye opener for me.
I didn’t even realize that I was doing this and that I was hurting the person that I loved the most. He felt as though I didn’t see what he was bringing to the table. And to be honest maybe I didn’t, I wasn’t working in a 50-50 partnership. In my mind, I was doing greater than 50 percent and it wasn’t healthy for our relationship. Since this conversation, I have decided to make a conscious effort to put him first and to see all that he brings. “The more you are able to put your spouse first and keep your focus on the success of your partnership, the stronger your marriage will be.”
Stay In-Tuned With One Another’s Daily Lives & Needs
We have learned to enjoy helping each other with one another’s chores and responsibilities. The responsibility of the wife is to support her husband in his career and work life. I love to know what he is going through in his career life. Many of our conversations are about the future of his career and how it will effect our marriage and family. He in turn knows and supports my daily efforts in parenting and keeping our home in order. Every work day afternoon he calls me as soon as he leaves his office and the first thing that I say, “Is this my favorite call of the day?” Meaning he is on his way home. Without prompt he asks, “Is there anything I can get for you on my way home?” Most of the time I am able to respond no but there are times when I need him to pick up that last ingredient for that night’s dinner or a child from somewhere. I have come to love that we respect and want the very best for one another.
There are distinct roles as a wife and a husband, but our main responsibility is to love and care for each other and for our children.